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This is not a scientific study about migration but is a story based on personal experience and on what I learnt from other people.
It may resonate with other people who migrated for “economic reasons”, meaning that their life was not at risk in the birth country, but they decided to move for a better life. My post doesn’t apply to people who moved due to war or calamities as the decision is more straight forward and I expect less internal doubts.
For context, I moved from Romania to England in 2011 with my family and I work as a doctor in the NHS (National Health Service)
Stages of migration
I think many emigrants go through several stages after they move countries:
Honeymoon stage
There are many things that are better in the new country; even if the transition may be difficult, we often see an idealisation of the new country. It can be based on factual observation of things that are better but also on an idealisation of the new country. This is driven by a wish to have taken the best decision and selective observations of the positives.
Homesick stage
After a while, it becomes evident that there are many downsides in the new country, too. Many frustrations start to build up. Plus, the unpleasant memories about the home country fade and more positive memories come to mind. It can lead to intense regret or doubt and a wish to return “home”. Some return home in this stage, but more often, it’s not that easy to go back. Children in school, jobs or other practicalities get in the way.
Acceptance stage
All these opposing feelings integrate, leading to a more balanced view. Good and bad is present in both homes and life carries on. Whatever the decision, life “back home” would have changed and there is loss and gain whatever the choice.
Reasons why immigration is not good for you
You don't understand the homesick until you experience it
This was one of the most striking aspects for me. I did my “homework” about the new country before moving, speaking with as many people as possible about their experience. Everyone gave factual information, and responded to questions but didn’t talk about the more difficult emotions. Maybe because I didn’t ask the right questions.
However, as soon as I moved, I met so many emigrants with similar stories: even if many aspects of their lives were better, they missed home and family and had wishes or dreams to go back. In some cases realistic plans, in others, only hypothetical. It felt like it was a “secret club” and it could be accessed only after you made the move, not as an outsider. It was like no one wanted to be seen that they regretted their decision.
Loss of friends and family
Of course, they are not “lost” as you can still talk and visit, but it’s not the same. And if it happens to go through a pandemic with limited travel options, this becomes more of a problem. Twice a year meet ups turned into once in two years. Now after the pandemic and with the increase cost of everything, the plain tickets during school holidays are extremely expensive.
You may think that you’ll make new friends. And you may. But based on my observations of everyone around me, it’s way, way harder to make friends who are not part of your ethic community. People are friendly and polite, but it stops there. In 12 years, I have never been invited to someone’s house (apart from kids’ “play dates”), never been to a wedding or a funeral in my new country.
Another important aspect is ageing. You may move when young, with relatively young parents. But as the years pass, your family back home will start to experience health decline and death. And you will be thousands miles away.
The added stress level can have negative health impacts
Changing countries requires a lot of adaptation and learning new ways of being. Many things that were appropriate before are not “politically correct” or acceptable.
For example, my direct communication was perceived as “abrupt, ” leading to failing the main clinical exam twice. Clinical knowledge mattered way less than “soft communication skills”. People like to be talked to nicely, and it’s ok if you open a medical book or google the medication you want to prescribe in front of them. This is opposite to how I was used to in Romania.
The added micro stressors can add up. We know that chronic stress can have a detrimental health impact.
Other negative health impacts
There has been so much research about the gut flora recently. I wonder what happens with our microbiome when we change environments and food. I met people who became depressed, anxious or gained significant weight post-migration. Of course, the causes can be multiple, and it can also be a coincidence, but there are so many factors at play.
We know for example that schizophrenia is more common in emigrants, in the second generation rather than the first.
You may expect better opportunities for your children but may be mistaken
This is something I am in two minds about. I struggled in high school with a very authoritarian approach and I wanted different for my children. I wanted to avoid the interference with free thinking and creativity.
It seems to be more creative opportunities in school here, although “free thinking” is hard to achieve anywhere in the West. Some other aspects are anxiety provoking: teenagers disrupting classes by mocking the teachers (in a “good school”), lots of teenagers drink, vape and do other drugs, it’s unsafe to walk in the neighbourhood as a kid was stabbed in the local park, etc.
It’s just not that straightforward and if you compare, it may not be better in the new country overall.
About the “free thinking” aspect in the West I want to add that there are some “politically correct” topics that can’t be challenged and in that respect “free thinking” is actually limited.
PS: the drugs problem for young people became an issue back home too since I left
You may have expected better healthcare but again, may be mistaken
I think healthcare was better when we moved more than a decade ago. Two of us had some minor surgery, and it was impeccable, including a teddy bear as a gift with a matching bandage on discharge.
However, more recently, the NHS has been so overwhelmed that the waiting lists are unbearably long. We ended up travelling back home for essential healthcare. Waiting time in Romania was two weeks (needed to arrange the flights rather than anything else); here in England, 18 months and 7-8 re referrals and a complaint before being seen (I won’t name the team, the problem is widespread).
Unless you lack an accent and a foreign name, you'll always be an immigrant
It depends on where you are coming from. Some accents are perceived as more exotic and nicer than others.
I never got any excitement at my origins from Romania. In the UK, this triggers memories of orphanages and criminal activities.
The attitude towards you as an outsider can range from curiosity to silent distance. Brexit was particularly unpleasant, it was like permission to be openly racist and xenophobic.
However, there are some positives about this. People from similar backgrounds tend to congregate, so you will quickly make new friends like you. And some people are genuinely curious about different cultures, who can be great company. Of course, in time people who get to know you will see more of the person you are rather than the “immigrant” part of your story.
The acceptance of immigration got quite polarised. It feels that there has been a lot of progress, now I feel the distance and cultural barrier way less than about 5-10 years ago; at least in the NHS, people are more welcoming.
But a part of the population became more rejective of immigrants, so you can get both sides.
The financial pressures we are facing now add to the risk of increased intolerance, as some people see immigrants as an “expense” the country can do without.
Your children will belong to the new culture
This is quite obvious but it’s not something I though about in advance. If children are born in the new country, they are more likely to speak the language of the new country as their main language. You may feel like they belong to a different culture and you have different reference points. The subtleties of your language remain foreign to them. They learn different stories, different songs, different histories, and even a different religion in school.
You have two "homes" and none
In a way you are lucky to have two homes, to belong to two worlds.
However, back home changes while you are away. When you travel back, it may feel like nothing changed but people and mentalities gradually change. It is still your home but you are a foreigner at the same time. You may have left ex colleagues in a more difficult situation by leaving and some may see you as someone who gave up on their country, or more extremely, betrayed it.
The new country is “home” too but it takes a while to fully perceive it as home and some never reach that level.
So it can lead to a feeling of belonging to two worlds but not truly belonging to any of them.
You and your family members can be in different stages of migration
This is unbelievably often. I have met so many couples in which one was home sick and the other was in honey moon stage or acceptance. One wants to go and one wants to stay. When children have a say, it complicates things more.
We all go through the stages at different paces and have different expectations and feelings. It’s normal to be on different pages, it requires negotiation and some giving in, which can lead to resentments or other negative feelings.
Summary
My points above sound quite negative. Of course there are many benefits in the new country. The main one is more meritocracy, as back home it mattered more who you knew that what you knew. There are many other positives but I focused on the downsides as these are less talked about. I didn’t think about them before I made the move and I would advice anyone considering emigration to think about all the aspects. It may not change the decision but at least is better informed.